It's a nice first attempt but I have some tips,
1. You need a steady hand when recording cinematics, If you can't then I recommend you download some there's plenty out there.
2. Try and use various effects rather than the same one over and over because it ends up looking bland.
3. Try and not use generic music, use something ear catching that goes well with what you are trying to edit.
Overall a nice edit though keep it up and practice a bit.