[TXT] Jokes...

[Super]

This was a blog post and because of the popularity, I've decided to add it as a post for entertainment because not many people check blogs.​

Okay so. I understand that a couple of people here at DevBest Like Humor. I've decided to put together a collection of funny jokes i've heard throughout the ethernet and so fourth.

there was a guy that was sick he went to the doctor and said "doctor I have a fever" the doctor said "you will have to take 4 spoons of the medicine" the sick one said " but doctor, i only have 3 spoons what shall i do?"

Once there were two zebras. One zebra asked the other:
"Am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"

The other replied:
"Ask God."

That night before the first zebra went to bed, he prayed. God replied:
"You are what you are."

The zebra was confused by this, and the next day, he asked the second zebra what it meant. He replied:

"I gues you are white with black stripes, otherwise he would have said 'Yo is what yo is.' "

Two female and one male.

One of the female flies asks the male fly "Do you know a way to get out ?"

The male fly replies "Suck my dick and I'll tell you"

So she did and the male fly told her to fly up to the top of the jar and hit the lid real hard.

She did this and fell back down dead.

The second fly then asks the male fly "Please, you musk tell me how to get out !"

The male fly replies "Suck my dick and I'll tell you"

As she does the male fly inscructs her to fly up to the top of the jar and hit the lid two times real hard.

She did this and fell back down dead.


Want to know how the male fly got out ?

"Suck my dick and i'll tell you"

Three mice living in a bathroom didn't like their living quarters and decided to change.

One mouse slept in the linen closet, one in the sink and the last in the toilet.

The mext morning they reported back to the medicine closet.

The first mouse said "Wow! I slept GREAT!"

And with that the second said "I slept WONDERFULY!"

But the third, "Ugg! I slept horribly!... First it started to thunder, then rain and then a log saved my life!"

A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is."

The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink.

The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?" The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night." The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog."

Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em. After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor.

The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act." The drunks says "not for sale". The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scating rat." The drunk say, "deal" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat.

The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, "Are you nuts? You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?"

The Drunk says, "Relax, the frog is a vantriliqist"

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[Sledmore]

Already seen em in your blog post, nice jokes, (; - Thanks for the share ;D!

 

[Super]

Thanks, I am currently deciding on making another set.

 

[Bazinga]

Good share, but I didn't find any of them particularly funny tbph, got anymore? ;]

 

[rece]

a doctor goes into a room after helping a woman give birth
i have good news and bad news he says
she goes il take the bad news first...
"your babies ginger"
now the good news
"its dead"

 

[Jordon]

These Are Horrible Jokes, But Good Try.

 

[Kryptos]

Lol'd at the second one ;P

 

[Super]

I guess I gotta go more dirty. This ain't second grade anymore.

A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"

"Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."

"Wow, what does it look like after sex?"

"Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"

A guy goes to the doctor and says, "Hello, I would like to be castrated."

"That's a lifechanging operation," says the doctor. "Are you sure you want to do it?"

"yes," says the man. "and if you refuse I'll go to another doctor."

"OK," says the doctor, "but it's against my advice."



So the man has his operation and he's walking around the hospital the next day with a bandage around his private area. Suddenly, he sees another man with the same thing. So he walks up to him and says, "Good afternoon, I see we got the same operation."

"Yes," says the other man, looking happy. "I've been wanting to get circumsized for 37 years, and I've finally done it."

The first man looks panicked and says, "Shit!! That's the word!"

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.

She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"


The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little
girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.

"Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."

The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"

A man, has some tests done. And he asked the doctor whants wrong? The doctor says you have leg cancer. Then he says I have some good news and some bad news. The paitent says, alright what's the bad news. The doctor says I have to amputate your leg. The paitent askes, what is the good news? The guy in the bed beside you has an offer on your slippers.

A guy walked out to get his mail in the morning. He turns around and there is a gorilla. So he runs back inside, opens the yellow pages, finds the only gorilla exterminator in town, and calls him. The exterminator arrives in a little truck towing a cage. The exterminator has a ladder, a gun, and a dog.
The guy says, "How are you going to get the gorilla off my roof?"
"I am going to put the ladder up against the side of the house, get up there, wrestle the gorilla, and toss him off the side of the house. When the gorilla hits the ground, the dog is trained to grab the gorilla by his balls and drag him into the cage."
"What is the gun for then?"
"If the gorilla throws me off the roof first, shoot the dog before I hit the ground!"

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long,
grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much
as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful,
and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old
man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion.
He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large
rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest."
"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked
over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In
a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped
out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."